Holding on or letting go?

The biggest question I fear most...

I've been through this question in my past life with someone else. It was frustrating and truly a chaotic one. I was fighting over my self that's holding on and wants to leave this f*cking place. Mentally and psychologically I was unstable. This time around I'm being asked again. Different person, different reason, but the same story. A major one.

The Breakup Test: 5 Questions to Ask Before Giving Up

I saw this in Yahoo! personals and gave it a try...this might clear things up.

Question 1: Has There Been a Major Change in My Life?

Yes, there are. Lots of things occurred in my grueling 4 months of relationship. It perhaps made clear of stuff I never really knew in love. I learned quite well and positively I grew much of a better person. But it made things that..well...made me uncomfortable in my actions towards her and other people. Perhaps it was wrong to blame her because of my family problems and suicidal tendencies (which didn't really happen because I'm still in my right sense of thinking), but those things were dragged along due to these circumstances I never realize to materialize.

Question 2: What's My Happiness Ratio?
Still, most of the time, the feeling is mutual. I tend to see her instead of my family or friends, or prioritize more about her than any other stuff I used to do. It was 89.99% happiness.

Yahoo! personals said, "A better strategy would be to adopt the 80 percent rule. Ask yourself: Am I satisfied with my partner 80 percent of the time or more? If the answer is yes, then you're working with pretty good odds. If the answer is no, you may want to consider moving on."

It was never a hundred percent pure that I was happy with her. Even the day we first got together, It never really entered my mind that "This is IT! I'll gonna marry this girl!" stuff. Maybe because I was thinking safely due to my past experience. Maybe because I never felt that feeling from her. She was seldom that enthusiastic or excited about having me, or it's just not that obvious.

Question 3: Is He/She Abusive?

What?! No abuse happened in our stay together, ever! Perhaps some suggestions tried to control some of our acts but NO. I didn't abuse her kindness to me, and pretty much the same way towards her.

Question 4: Have I Expressed My Frustration?

This is precisely the most and the biggest hindrance I have ever experienced in her. Most of the time I was blocked to express what I want to say. Well, she "listens" to it but never really digesting it. Because if she really does, none of these happens. I always talk, I always say what I feel is inappropriate, but she never seems to be interested.

Question 5: Am I Willing to Work at It?

Yes, I am. I still have this "mutual desire to work on the relationship." I still want to go the extra mile for I've been seeing the light to show the path to a better understanding, and to make us better persons. I'm still here because I believe in the potential I have and she has towards our dirty little thing called "relationship".

For filipinos only:

Sinabi niya sa akin na ginawa lang daw niyang makipagbalikan dahil hiling 'yon ng lola niya. Pero sa totoo lang daw, ayaw na daw niya. Ang labo, kasi sa mga binitawan niyang salita, gusto daw nya, at mahal pa rin daw niya ako. 'Yon ang sabi nya the day na nakipagbalikan sya sa kin. Kahapon mahal mo 'ko, ngayon hindi na. Kahapon gusto mo kong makasama, bukas ayaw mong buntot ako ng buntot sa 'yo. Sabi mo kahapon gusto mo 'to, bakit ngayon, tinatamad ka na? Ano ba talaga?

The song "Jenny" by Click Five is for you.