Helpless

by Heide Carolino

I struggle and afraid
With this love I'm feeling
It takes too much of me
And I can't get it free

How I wish you never came
But whom can I blame
It's driving me insane
Flowing through all my vein

Never felt like this before
I don't know for sure
How I ended up this way
What else can I say

I'm not yours for the talking
Whatever love may bring
Can't go on resisting
I'm helpless...
Helplessly in love with you.

Paano nga ba ako nakapasa sa board exam?

I will be talking to my own point of view. To tell you frankly, hindi ako graduate ng isang exclusive and/or expensive university. I have spent 5 1/2 years in college (dahil marami din akong bagsak), and i didn't graduate with flying colors. I'm just a common student, or maybe worse. But I am surprised that I "hit the nail with one swing of the hammer." I'll tell you why.

Well hindi ako against sa mga pamahiin about sa mga board exam (babaliin ang pencil after exams, magsuot ng red, pabless ng mga envelop, lapis, calcu, etc.), pero I didn't actually clung to those beliefs. Eto lang tips ko:

1. Relax. Ang unang panlaban ng isang examinee sa isang stressful exam ay relaxation to help you concentrate.

2. Mag-aral lang kung kelan nasa mood. Don't force yourself to ingest knowledge when you don't want to. Kaya nga niluluwa ni baby yung food nya kase hinde nya gusto. Gusto mo iluwa din ng utak mo yung pinagaralan mo??

3. ...Pero pag nag-aaral na, iwas distractions na. Yan na nga yung "break" mo e, kagatin mo na. Fight any kind of distractions kung palagay mo paparating na yun...kung anuman yun.

4. Avoid cramming. Kelan pa umubra ang short term memory sa long term? You were given 4-5 years of study (kahit babagsakin ka pa during those days). Mabuti nga at nag-college ka para review na lang gagawin mo before the exam. Huwag nang mag-aral the days before exam. It will only develop stress, tension, at puyat.

5. Pray. I advice you to make at least one devotion through the whole review/preparation period, be it Baclaran, St. Jude, Quiapo, or other novena you could go to. Malaking bagay 'to, since it will help you relax na din, and have something (or someone) to confide with, spiritually. I experienced how treacherous my review days were, and this is a good way to have a stable mind. Anti-negative aura din kumbaga.

6. Have a firm mindset. Ako, during my review hindi ko na lang iniisip yung mangyayare pag bumagsak ako. Hindi ko din naman ineexpect na papasa ako. I just always think na this will be a good journey for me, pasa man o bagsak. ( and it was! I learned to be indepedent. Nice!)

Sa board exams, walang magna, suma or cum laude. Lahat pantay-pantay. Equal opportunity para sa lahat. Anyway, lisensya pa lang naman yan, ang totoong success e kapag nagamit mo na talaga yang lisensya mong yan.

To all board exam takers, good luck and remember, "velle est posse!" (literally "To be willing is to be able" that also means "If there's a will, there's a way.")

The Heartbroken Samson (repost)

Do you remember a guy named Samson? The tough guy from the bible? He had the strength of a hundred men. It was a gift, from God.

But the thing that I noticed about him was his love life. He was quite foolish about it..maybe.

First case: A Philistine with no name. He fell in love quickly with the woman and proposed to marry her. Of course, at that time, His parents were against it, since Israelites were against the Philistines. Religion stuff.

Still the wedding continued as planned. The part that really suck in this wedding is the riddle of Samson. There was this riddle that, when answered correctly, Samson will give clothing to each one of the guests. But if not, the people at the wedding will give Samson a clothing from each one of them. Since the guests couldn't afford a clothing, pressure was poured to the wife. Threat was called, just or the freakin' answer. Through persuasive love and love the answer popped out. So thus the 30 pieces of clothing. Samson got mad upon figuring out that the answer came from his "loving" wife. Ouch! You can't just trust her...not even love. But then Samson decided to go back to his wife. But the worst? The lady got married to his bestman! Because they thought Samson got insanely mad with his now ex-wife. Revenge was at call, burning Philistine's hometown. Pretty much, violence hailed left and right.

Then there's Delilah. Samson got the "hots" for this girl, and the heat brought him to his death. Let me tell you why.

For 5,500 pieces of silver, Delilah has to figure out the strength behind the mighty Samson. Again,the Philistines was behind the 5,500 pieces of evil silver. For Delilah, it was quite an easy task. The stupid rather foolish Samson blurted out his deepest secret, with his head blurred by the love of Delilah. He woke up bald, and powerless.

See? He was physically great, perhaps astounding. But he was stupid at love. It was his real weakness, not the hair. But I dont really know..maybe he has this jinx in love..I hope. I hope he wasn't stupid at all. Just a real unfortunate guy. He fell in love two times, expecting to be loved in return. But sadly, He never really got to. Instead, he was cheated, and tricked.

Personally, I felt his pain. He wanted to be loved as much as I do. I wasn't as strong as a hundred men, but love, too, was my weakness. Love blurred my head, blinding me through the darkest side of love. I went beyond the letters L,O,V and E. I was out of line. And I too was tricked. Was cheated. I felt used, I felt abused, and I felt weak. Did Samson felt the same way? Hmmm...I dont know.

But the story didn't end there. Days passed and his hair grew back,as well as his power. He asked God for it. And for the last time he showed his might, pushing the pillars of Philistines' temple, crushing them, including the heartbroken Samson.

I just hope my "hair" also grows back again. To bring back my strength,but now,to love again. I,too,was powerless. I ask God to regain my lost hair..and my lost strength. Not as a revenge,but to bounce back to my lost self. The strength to love again.