It's nice to be back!

After a thousand years...(actually, just around a year) after a long silence...

I'm back!

I'll be bloggin' again some things out of the box..

Catch ya around!

Cheers for the newborn

I had a news that my ex-girlfriend just had her baby at around this time, May 10,2008 (at no exact time).

Well, congratulations to you and your family. And may God bless you.
(I'm not being sarcastic, ok?)

And I throughly believe that THAT IS NOT MY CHILD. We got seperated May, and we never met ever since. (*And I think she got pregnant around September...I think...)

I wonder what's the child's name? Did she became true her word?
(Well actually we had this "agreement" after we got seperated that as a "pampalubag-loob" for me, she would name her child as Francesca Ysabel if it's a girl and Francis Benedict if it's a boy.)

I wonder...hmmm...

And then she asked...

It's written "txt style", and here it is:

"..wat if may girl na dumtng at nagmka awang mahaln moh xa..weh nagkkalabuan tau.,ta2nggpn moh b xa?ung 22o.?

I mean like...whoa?! Is this a test? Sa isip ko, malamang nga tinetest nga ako nito. I replied, I said:

"Ur like askng me kng "tanga k b?" hehe..of course not. Kahit magmakaawa p ca (khit mghubad pa) kung tau p rin nmn, i won't..."

And so many guys will react "Ang martyr mo naman bro!" And even worse, "Ang bobo mo naman bro!" hahaha! Whatever they say. That's love, my friends. The very essence of a man is love. And it's up to him to take care of that "love", or misuse it. But I think I've been through his test...I think. In a different scenario, or different approach, but same effect.

We've been through several breakups (and when I say "several", I mean countless several times!), and of course, I'm a man. I have this "need" of the opposite...I was even thinking of a "girlfriend-material" just to drive away my sadness. No. Nothing happened, or somethng like what I'm saying. I tried to find somebody else, but I'm losing my drive to do it. I feel so stuck...because love is still there, in the corner, sitting, waiting to be called once again for yet another journey. As much as I want to (and as much as these girls are inerested and interesting), There's like this noose in my neck that chokes me whenever I try to get farther. I can't. I really can't.

Really, life is a test. I don't know if I pass every test I encounter, but I can tell, every test I endured. I almost lost my mind, even my life because of these "tests". And I could say that the person involved in this test was not hurt, because I can't. And I wont.

Is this girl "for real"?

Do you know?!

Today is our 8th monthsary and IT IS VERY DISSAPOINTING!!!

Supposed to be magkikita kami today, e since sinundo sya ng mom nya (papunta sa house ng mom nya) Ayun, hinde na kami nagkita this day. It was supposed to be a surprise so I didn't had the chance to arrange our meeting.

And alam nyo ba? Na nung umaga pa lang this day may pinuntahan pa sya. Kasama daw nya ang kanyang "kasamahan sa KBPS" (karate-do team/group) for "i-don't-know-what-the-hell-is-she-doing-there" reason. Sa house lang daw nung "kasamahan nya sa KBPS" for no clear reason bakit sya nagpunta dun...

Habang the night before this disastrous day happened inaya ko na syang lumabas for some small date (since mothsary nga namin) at di sya pumayag, at talagang nagpaka-ayaw ayaw, for she said "no why's" as to why ayaw nyang lumabas kami, and her alibi was she was taking care her little sister since ate daw sya (and you see, may pinuntahan sya and that does not include her little sister in that wherever place she has gone to.)

I feel like ayaw nya kong ma-involve to any of her things she has been doing, and I dont feel any of her interest to me since most of the time ayaw nya akong kasama..like for one time...she has this friend na may debut. Kung di pa sya pipilitin ng cousin nya at ng lola nya di sya papayag na sumama ako sa birthday ng friend nya. And several times ayaw nya akong sasama sa kung saan sya pupunta, like yung simpleng lakad lang sa palengke to do some things na inutos ng lola nya. Nagtatalo pa kami sa daan as to why ako sumama pa, bakit pa ko namilit, bakit ayaw nya...ganito ganyan...

OH MY GOD!!! Nakakasakit ng dibdib....

Is this girl seroius enough for me? If she is (like she always say, that I don't really believe) then why doesn't she want me to go to where she goes? Why does she stop me from joining her in her "exploration"? Why is she making alibis of some sort? She often enjoys the companion of her friends, but is it seldom in me?

Is she hiding things from me?

Does she really love me? At all???

Holding On

Here's the gist:

My ex-girlfriend and I got back together recently, but the problem is our moms are holding us down.

In my girlfriend's side, her mom told her to stop having a boyfriend, which is of course uneasy on her (and me) now that we got back together. It'll look like we'll be hiding for quite a time until we have the right time to reveal what's beneath. But on my side, I just told my mom about it. Guess what?! War, it is. My mom hasn't spoken to me for while ever since I've told her that we're back for good. She told me,

"Wala ka nang dignidad sa sarili mo!"

for she doen't believe that we're back "for good". She holds this in her mind that I'll be crying once again because of that girl, and my depression will sink in on me again. She was doubtful about our relationship in the past. And she's more doubtful now that we're back. BUT what the heck. I'm not getting rebellious or anything. I'm 23, and I'm too old for these things. Too bad I'm still in college that's why I'm still in their judgement on what should I do or what should I have.

My girlriend was crying when she text me about what her mom said. The same time me and my mom was arguing. What the hell. What's going on? Should we stay or should we go? (But I'll stay..for good.).

But my girlfriend inspired me by what she told me,

".,ok hon.,i wont let you down i promise..bsta pki intdhn lng poh situation q hah.,ds tym magttgl na tau.,"

excatly what's in the message. I know (and you might know) why this "restriction" is going on with us. We had several breakups, our moms saw us how we cried so much about these things...yeah I know, they don't want us to get hurt. But I believe,

"One of man's greatest fear is to feel pain. But we must face our fears to gain courage. So I believe we must face and feel this pain to free us from this fear."

End of story. No but's, no if's.

What Happened?

Anu na ba nangyari recently?!

Ayun...di ako nka-enroll this summer. Di kasi kami umabot sa enrollment period e. Kulang sa budget e. Delayed. Parang napahiya ako sa mga ka-Bro at Sis ko sa Singles for Christ.

Ang kwento ko kasi sa kanila, God's blessing...ayun makakaenrol ako tapos another good news pa e nagkabalikan kami ng ex ko. All came crumbling down. (T_T)

What happened!?

I don't know...I know it was a God's blessing..for a minute...then it became God's will. Gusto nya sigurong mangyari na di muna ko makapasok this summer....and malamang gusto nya siguro na magkaproblema (and worse...magkahiwalay) kami ng ex ko na naging GF ko ulet (na baka ex ko na ulet).

What happened?!

I've been asking this three times on the same page, but deeply, this question has been recurring in me for days. What the hell happened?! (Four times, kasama na ang impyerno..hehehe)

I am hoping that I could get back to school in June. But I'm not yet thinking of my ex. She's a pain in the ass. COME WHAT MAY.

[edit] Oooops...but I still love my girl. Of course. Everyone's got a pain in the ass once in a while we must admit. C'mon...but at least I'm not yet looking for another. Walang kapalit, eka nga. She's still the one (I think I heard Shania Twain in the background...anyway...). And I still do love her. I just can't figure out who's wrong...me? she?

New hope

I've been so busy with my school recently, and I already forgot about posting here...

Well anyway...

I just joined a religious group, it's called "Singles for Christ". Well it's not that new for me, since my cousins already joined this group and several related groups. How did I got there?

I just broke up with my girlfriend. She fired me for being the worst boyfriend ever (sounds like a job *sigh*) according to her. So depression sat in. I was too sad, even to mention her name was depressing enough. But since this is my second time losing a special person in my life (or what they called "God's gift"), I don't want to end up destroying myself. I seek for help, and then a good friend of mine came in. I blurted out all of my sadness to her, and fortunately she listened to every word that I said. She then adviced, "Maybe God can help us out." So she invited me to join in this organization. I fell obliged to join in return to her help, so I came in.

Well, to speak frankly, i felt quite awkward at first. I was quite skeptical on how God could help me with this "love life" thing.

First day: Orientation. We practiced some religious songs, some of which are familiar. Then a little talk, and a preview of what could we encounter on the next 12 weeks. In my view, it's kind of new to me to join a religious organization...to sing about God more than the usual, praying more than the usual...etc.

But at least. I'm in the light. Quite.

I'm in the verge of trying something unfamiliar and solving what has to be solved. Like a unknown antidote to cure the poison in my body. I hope this is my new hope.